The truth is I have been dealing with some body image issues lately. I haven’t taken a full body exercise picture of myself in longer than I can remember. I stick to face only selfies post run to hide the fact that over the past 2ish years, since I got sick in January 2015, I’ve gained 35 pounds (pretty much all around my waist).
My students constantly ask me when I am having my baby, and I have to keep explaining to them that I am not pregnant, I just gained weight. I am not writing this to make you feel sorry for me, I know that the truth is most people don’t even notice my weight gain (except 3rd graders who are apparently very observant). I am writing this so the other women who suffer through body image issues for one reason or another know that they are not alone in this battle.
The doctor says no matter how hard I work out and run, or how healthy I eat, the weight won’t budge until I get my all my recently diagnosed medical issues cleared up:
– leaky gut
– Candida overgrowth in my gut
– immune system issues
– adrenal fatigue
*After almost 2 years of going untreated the truth is that may take some time.
My body is a perfect mess right now. I am exhausted, weak, breaking out, getting sick constantly, and gaining pound after pound after pound (even though my current diet is pretty much only meat and veggies) which is causing me to have these body image issues. We all have our moments where we get a little down on ourselves, but usually I am pretty positive about the way I look. I know I am not perfect, but I always try to focus on what my body is – able to run marathons, and not what it isn’t (even healthy I am double digit size 10, but I am normally happy about my strong body and thick marathon legs). However, right now I don’t feel like myself, my clothes won’t button or zip so I am dealing with body image issues on a constant basis and it can be tough.
I am embarrassed of pictures because I don’t look like myself so I find ways to hide the weight gain. I take pictures of only my face post run, or just my running shoes and of course very flattering angles, and never my stomach. I’ve had to go out and buy a new wardrobe because I went from a size 10 to a 16/18 and all the shirts I bought were big and flowy to try to camouflage as much a possible. For those of you suffering with body image issues I am so sorry, it is pretty miserable to constantly think about your body in a negative way.
However, I know that hiding doesn’t change things or make them go away and it’s important I continue pushing through this, that I find a way to heal, get healthy, and get back to me. This past 2 years has been tough, but in the end I hope to come out stronger and more knowledgeable. I hope to learn to love my body again because of what it has been through and what I hope it still has left to accomplish. I wish you all the best with your own body image issues and if you ever need someone to talk to I am here.
Let me know –
What do you do to keep you body image issues in check?
How do you heal when they get a bit out of control? I am hoping writing this and taking a real picture of myself are a step in the right direction.