This is one of those posts you hope you don’t have to write because in truth – it is embarrassing. We all have up and downs and I have been very honest about sharing the ups and downs of my weight loss journey with you because I think it is nice for people to realize that it is not easy, it is hard. Anyone who tells you differently is a liar. If weight loss was easy we would not be a country full of overweight and obese people. I occasionally have slip-ups and I share them and then I dust myself off, climb back onto that wagon, and hold on for dear life.
However, this… this was different.
This wasn’t like a slip up.
It was like an accidently fall off the wagon, and then plummet down a cliff!
I started off great, I drove to the other side of town and found a special Weight Watchers meeting to go to on Wednesday since my normal Thursday meeting was cancelled for Thanksgiving. I indulged on Thursday for sure, but I planned that and I had saved up all my weekly points to cover it so I was still in the positive points at the end of Thanksgiving and feeling great. I even did a great job limiting leftovers Friday and resisting temptation while out Black Friday shopping. I was pretty proud of myself my goal was to enjoy the week, eat my favorite foods, but the not go buck wild and I was doing just that. Success!
Then Saturday and Sunday came and I slowly started to slip into a dark place… and here is where I may get too honest, but I pride myself on being the real me on the blog… no sugar coated made for TV version here. More and more I kept seeing pictures of all my family and friends on Instagram, Facebook, etc. decorating their trees together and celebrating the holiday season with their families and I began to feel very lonely. 99% of the time I am completely happy with the fact that I am 32 and still single, it just has not worked out for me yet and trust me it is better I be single then with the guys I have dated, and most of the time I am sane and logical and realize that. However, then there is that 1% of the time where it hits me hard. For some reason seeing all the family holiday pictures caused me to become pretty upset. I really worried – What if that never happens for me? What if I never have a family to share the holidays with? I am already the only one of my friends left who isn’t married or at least engaged and sometimes it is just really difficult feeling like the lone single girl and wondering if anyone will ever think you are good enough to take a chance on.
Again, I know this sound crazy and 99% of the time I am perfectly fine with my single life, but it just really hit me hard and I retreated back into my old ways my old comfort – EMOTIONAL – BINGE EATING. Saturday and Sunday I still held it together a bit, but by Monday the proverbial $h*t had hit the fan. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday… each day I would wake up telling myself it was a new day and to start over and get my bottom back in gear, but I was just in this horrid funk and really upset. Each day would end with me coming home from work, skipping my workout, crawling directly into bed, and proceeding to eat whatever I had stopped and gotten at the store on the way home. This was my view every night. In bed by 5 or 6. Workout totally skipped. Worried about how I’ll never get to be the fun Elf on the Shelf mom. Just insert the gallon of ice cream that was in my hand at the time. Seriously. GALLON. And this was not one, not two, not three, but four nights in a row. 4 skipped workouts, 4 days of food worse than any I have had since joining Weight Watchers (like gallons… GALLONS of ice cream every night), and whole bunch of shame and embarrassment that I could let myself go that far.
You’ll notice there is no Thursday Weight Watchers weigh in like there has been every week so far. That is because for the first time since joining the Weight Watchers meetings in July I missed a week. In 5 months I had not missed a weekly meeting and I let this mess me up. I actually had come home and gone straight to bed (again), but my Weight Watchers alarm went off for like 30 minutes straight and forced me out of bed. By the time I got up I missed the meeting, but realized it was time to do something, that this is ridiculous. Missing my workouts, and even worse binge eating every night, is not helping to make me feel better, it isn’t suddenly going to bring me a family and it is just making me feel like crap. So, it is time to get back on the wagon. I am very frustrated because I honestly probably gained about 5 or 6 pounds this week. I worked so hard to lose that weight, it took me weeks, and I put it all back on so quickly. I know it will probably take a couple weeks to undo the weight loss damage this week has done and that sucks. It feels like I am taking a huge step back. However, I know that be starting in the right direction again I will feel much better about myself.
It is time to set some goals and make sure this happens.
Goal 1 – No Skipping Workouts –
When I get home I am exhausted and it is dark. I tell myself I will run outside, because I much prefer running outside to the gym treadmills, but then by the time I head out it is dark and the streets around my neighborhood are not really well lit so I use it as an excuse to skip my run.
Solution – Pack a Gym Bag – I am going to force myself to go straight from work to the gym Monday through Thursday (Friday is my rest day and weekends I have time to run outside). While I hate running on the gym treadmills this ensures I will get it done and if I come home first I am way less likely to go out and run in the dark. Gym after work, no excuses.
Goal 2 – Satisfy the Sweet Tooth –
Lately my house has been full of nothing except meats, fruits, and veggies and I think my sweet tooth was more than happy to go a bit nuts.
Solution – Keep Small Treats –
I am going to buy a box of the gluten free Peppermint Stick Luna minis. They are only 2 WW plus points each, have a great holiday flavor, and will leaving me feeling like I had my dessert after dinner without that sweet tooth desire building up in me until I go crazy and binge.
Goal 3 – Don’t Get in a Crazy Single Girl Funk
Okay this is the hardest one. People would tell you I am a smile bomb, strangers in stores have asked me why I smile so much. My students think I am crazy because I bounce around the room with as much energy as they have. I generally am a happy person. So, how do I keep from hitting a funk again and going off the rails on a crazy train? (I’m going off the rails on a crazy train! Anyone else singing now.?)
Solution – Perspective and Planning
I need to give myself perspective when I start to feel alone or worried that I don’t have a family of my own this holiday season – so far I haven’t found the right person to start that family with. It is better for me to be single than in a bad relationship. Plus I need to plan out things to do if I start feeling upset. Like calling friends, going for a walk… basically anything to keep me away from the store across the street and the gallons of ice creams.
So there it is – the ugly truth about my big fail.
I feel disappointed, I feel gross, I feel upset with my idiocy.
However, I feel determined to get back on the wagon and start over again.
How do you keep from emotionally eating when you are upset? (So hard for me.)
Any tips, tricks, words of wisdom, swift kicks in the you know what…?