How do you change your perceptions of yourself when for the longest time you believed things to be a certain way?
A friend of mine was being goofy and bugging me this weekend and I instinctively said, “ If you don’t stop I’m going to sit on you and smoosh you.” She gave my this crazy look and then said, “Abby, you’re not fat anymore. You cannot say stuff like that.”
The fact is it hadn’t even crossed my mind that it probably doesn’t make sense for me to say stuff like that any more. It had just popped out of my mouth because for the longest time I had uttered statements like that, comments picking on my own weight, before others could. Even after all the changes I have been through that remark just jumped out.
I really thought about it and came to a realization – even though over the past few years I have lost weight and started exercising, even though I know that I am healthier, fitter, and a perfectly normal size 10 – somewhere in the back of my head I am still the fat friend. Even though consciously, logically, I know that is no longer true, some days I still feel that way.
I was always a bigger girl.
I was overweight.
I wore a size 18 pant and a XL top and that was the norm for me.
I dressed in black and flowy outfits to try and camouflage my body.
I felt unattractive. Unpretty. Unwanted.
How do I shift my perceptions and change the way I feel about myself when for almost 29 years of my life I felt the same way and saw myself in that light?
How do I kiss the fat girl goodbye and embrace the new healthier me?
How do you change those feelings?
How do you see the person you are now and not the person you were then?