Over the past year, my doctor and I have discussed how losing some of my spare tire would be really healthy for me, and how dropping 15-20 pounds would help my running and hopefully decrease the number of running injuries I get. I have mentioned before that I have no desire to turn into a stick, in fact I like my curves, but I do want to be healthy and would like to aim for the 150 goal the doctor has given me.
The problem is that for over a year I have been stuck fluctuating back up and down the same few pounds, but never making any actual progress. I decided it was time to do something different about this so 12 weeks ago I joined Weight Watchers online. However, my weight bounced up and down even worse than usual. See, I have a Binge Eating Disorder and while I am usually able to keep things under control with lapses/binges only once a month or so, it has come back with a vengeance recently. And boy do I mean vengeance… These once every month or two incidents are now weekly occurrences. And my binges, they don’t play around – I mean finish the jar of peanut butter, eat all the sliced cheese meant for my school lunches, dig through the cabinets and whip up a double batch of pancakes, and then drive across the street to CVS and finish it all off with a jumbo bag of Reese’s Pieces, a full thing of Starburst jelly beans (10 servings my butt, not during a binge), and a pint of ice cream just for good measure. Yikes!
I am a work in progress and I am trying hard to overcome this. I know what I need to do: think about the consequences of my behavior, remember how the binges make me feel, call a friend, journal, get up and active, but the road to recovery is a hard one. It is like I am possessed when a binge starts, all the smart things I know to do fly away, it is as if I am not even in my own body any more. Then suddenly a few minutes or hours post binge I snap to and the guilt, frustration, and anger sets in.
I was hopeful that Weight Watchers would be another tool to help me deal with this – and the truth is I really like Weight Watchers and the fact that it is built around healthy eating you can maintain and not around dieting. It actually works great for me 99% of the time, but that 1% that I am binging, seems to ruin all my hard work. After 9 weeks of Weight Watchers online I had bounced up and down, but was once again right back to where I started. I talked to some friends about it, Dani of Weight Off My Shoulders and Sarah of Mom Running on Empty, and they really convinced me that I needed to do more than just Weight Watchers online. They explained that in addition to all the eTools and the phone app (which I use for tracking/journaling my food) I really needed to attend once a week meetings.
They convinced me meetings would provide:
– friendly faces
– time to speak with others who struggle with similar issues
– kind of like group therapy minus the crazy insurance issues and co-pay
However, it still took me 3 more weeks to make it to my first meeting and during that time I came up with every excuse in the book:
– I don’t have time.
– The hours are not convenient.
– It costs more money.
– What if it is awkward?
– What is nobody likes me?
– What if I fail?
– What if I am too fat/not fat enough?
But after 12 weeks of online tracking only, I must be brave and make a change, I have to do something to get this binge eating under control and I pray the accountability of weekly meetings and the discussion time with others helps. So, last night I went to my first meeting and had my first official weigh in.
And guess what?
While my weight is almost 19 pounds higher than my goal from the doctor I wasn’t miserable.
I actually had a good time because I felt like I was being brave and doing something to make a change. I liked going to the meeting. It was great to know there were other people there who had the same struggles as me and to get to talk and share with them.
I just pray that the next time I am about to dive down that dark binge eating path I think about having to weigh in weekly at my Weight Watchers meeting and all the people there who are going through their own struggles, plus all my friends and family who are willing to support me, and all my fabulous blogging buddies and somehow control those desires.
Oh, and to kick start a healthier me I came home to the most awesome mail day EVER recently! The people at Misfit Wearables were kind enough to send me their new activity Tracker – Shine, a box came from my fabulous friends at Mizuno, and Nuun for HOT summer half marathon training arrived.
The Shine has me really intrigued. First of all, let me be shallow and say that I LOVE how it is styled. It is so much more attractive that most other trackers (mine is the topaz color). However, the reason I wanted it so badly is because of all of it’s fabulous features. I like how it instantly syncs to my phone using an app. I hate how other trackers have to be plugged into the computer. This lets me see the data on my phone right away. Plus, the disk can pop into the arm band for running and pop into a clip I can wear on my shoe for spin. I hated that other trackers didn’t show spin numbers. Oh, and for all you swimmers it is waterproof. I’ll have a review of this up after I try it out a while.
Mizuno as always came through in a big way. I was lucky enough to receive the new Wave Kazan recently, which I am loving for trail runs, and also the Wave Sayonara 2, which is my speed work shoe (expect a review on the updates to the Wave Sayonara 2 next week); however, my current Wave Rider 17 were getting a bit sad and worn out as I use them on most of my normal runs. I feel so blessed that I was surprised with these beautiful Wave Rider 17 in the mail – check out that color!
How are you brave when going into new situations?
If you are trying to lose weight – What is working for you?
What exciting mail have you gotten recently?