*If you don’t want to, or cannot, watch the video the main idea of it is typed below.*
After I did so well getting back on track with my healthy eating after the holidays and even dropped 8 pounds in a month (Go me!) I was sure it would continue. I had proved to myself I could do it. I could eat less calories if I ate real food instead of junk, I could be better about planning out my meals, and I could still enjoy nights out and little splurges as long as they were in moderation.
This was a lifestyle I could live with. I was on the right track and so sure I would continue.
I am ashamed and disappointed to say that I spent the past 3 weeks binge eating Girl Scout cookies (3 boxes in 3 days, seriously) and bag upon full sized bag of jelly beans (I rationalized that I was just trying them all to see which ones were best).
I couldn’t figure out why I was sabotaging myself. Why was I always starving? Why was I eating junk? I had made it a whole month without doing this and knew I could do better. Heck, three straight weeks of binge eating is ridiculous for me. I do have little slipups now and then, but I haven’t been that girl in a long time and I don’t want to go back.
Then finally it hit me when I had a bit of a breakdown (lots of tears) yesterday. Over the past few weeks so many of my friends have called me with fabulous news. They are all getting exciting new jobs, getting engaged, getting married, starting families, and I am stuck. My life is stagnating. It’s just me in my little apartment, by myself as always. While I am truly, ridiculously, happy for all of them subliminally I had really been beating myself up about this. I kept thinking about all the things that could be wrong with me. What was it that always left me alone? Why was everyone else moving on with their life except me? Boy was I saying some unkind things to myself which just led me to my comfort (therapy if you will) food and running.
I work so hard to try to be so kind to others and to love them not in spite of their flaws, but because of them, yet I have not been very loving to myself lately. This needs to end. I will be kind to myself. I will not beat myself up. I will get back on track not only mentally, but I will also refocus on my healthy lifestyle. I will eat better and think about what I am putting into my body, I will continue running (which is actually the one thing that is going really well as I am beginning to see great improvements), and I will think about the way I treat myself.
This is my confession.
I am embarrassed this happened.
However, my journey to healthy living is full of ups and downs just like everyone’s.
I was really disappointed in myself and didn’t know if I should share this information at first, but nobody is perfect and I hope that in my flaws you can see that when you too make mistakes you are never alone.
How do you get over setbacks?