I know that running is so relative. Everyone has there own definition of “fast” and we all occasionally get a little bit of hare envy. I think my training buddy is beyond speedy because she can cut sub 9 minute miles, she looks at sub 4:00 hour marathoners and drools – everyone has their own “fast.”
However, today I was reminded that body image is so relative too. Don’t get me wrong, I have always had a pretty healthy body image. Heck, probably too healthy sometimes. There were days when I was well overweight, pushing a size 20, veins running thick with grease, sugar, and bad decisions and I’d look in the mirror and think – “Damn girl, you look good!” Probably a bit of the reason why I let myself go so much, I’ve never been too worried about the way I look. Even now as I participate in the Diet Bet my top reasons for losing weight don’t have to do so much with my appearance or a number on the scale as they do with feeling healthier, becoming a faster runner, hopefully reducing the injury impact on my body, etc.
Well today in the office the gorgeous secretary (I mean girl is fit! Like works out, eats right, drops and does guy pushups. Bam!) was trying to pull her skirt down when I walked in. She joked that she just couldn’t make it any longer. I being nice, and a smart alec, tried to give her a compliment by saying, “Heck girl, you got it, show it off. I would.”
The other secretary said, “What are you talking about? You got it too.” While I know I have made great gains, am much healthier, and generally pretty happy with the way I look I would never consider myself in the same category as her. I am a solid (like tight) size ten and totally happy with that, I have rolls (not happy), and back fat that reverse muffin tops out of my pants – I would never think of myself in the same group as our hot secretary who pretty much looks like the cover of a fitness magazine.
However, to the other secretary, who is a size 18 herself, I look just like that toned hottie I occasionally envy (Guy pushups at a school track practice, seriously? I’ll be modifying those). I guess it is all relative, just like with speed everyone has their own definition – their own “fast”, their own “damn she looks good.”
Sometimes I wonder if the reason I see others and give them so much credit for their hard work, but don’t give myself enough props for how much I have done to be healthier and fitter is because I spent so many years being overweight and maybe inside I still sometimes feel that way. I sometimes still think of myself as the big girl. Even though I know I am not, even though I am happy with me.
What if I saw this picture and it wasn’t my head on the body? What would I think of it then? Would my perception change? hmmm……
Do you think that body image is relative? How so?
If you have lost weight do you ever find yourself still thinking you are that bigger person?
We don’t see ourselves as othervpeople see us. Even when we look in a mirror we are not seeing what others see. Our own ideas and perceptions are mixed into what is reflected in the mirror.
You look awesome! Own it!
I love the way you stated that “Our own ideas and perceptions are mixed into what is reflected in the mirror.”
So true.
What a great thing to think about! I am often thinking that i hate my body, but I need to remember the people around me who are bigger… they don’t want to hear me complain… love doing the pic without my face… gonna try it…
You are right, they don’t want to hear us complain. Accidently referred to myself as big infront of a friend because I still sometimes think of myself as that size 18/20 and I though she was going to knock me out. Yikes.
I’m glad you like the picture idea.
You def don’t look like a size 10! And I know what you mean, people tell me I don’t like the old me (50lbs heavier) when they see me but I see the same person except with less fat lol if I’m not looking in the mirror I feel the same as before. It’s all in your head
and in mine too haha
I agree. I really don’t feel any different than before I’m the same person, just trying to make healthier choices.
I think it’s kind of like when you don’t notice your S.O. lost weight but their coworkers do, you see them so much you don’t see small differences?
Hmm, good point. It sometimes helps to look back over a longer period of time to really appreciate the improvements we’ve made.
I do occasionally look back and my own before and after pictures just to remind myself of all I have done.
That might be true for me as it was a very gradual process. It took such a longtime to happen that I didn’t really notice myself changing too much.
First of all, you do look freaking amazing and you should be proud of your toned, fit, healthy body. Secondly, I do think it is all relative. I know that I have plenty of work to do on getting my body where I want it, yet there are people I work with that envy what I have going on. It’s always a case of the grass is greener I guess.
Thank you so much. Cecilia I think you are right, the grass is always a bit greener on the other side.
You DO look good! Have you thought about maybe focusing on lowering body fat percentage or something similar instead of dropping weight? Muscle is so much heavier than fat, so you can be really heavy but look fantastic if you have a lot of muscle.
I think that body image is relative in that women always seem to be comparing themselves to other women. What’s really bad is when we compare ourselves to Photoshopped images in magazines–even the models in those photos don’t look like that. I think it takes a different mindset to stop making comparisons and start focusing on healthier things, like how we feel or how strong our bodies are.
I really do want to lean up and tone. I’d rather be fit and athletic that “skinny”. Once this Diet Bet is over I hope to focus more on that.
I do think image is relative, kind of like ‘grass is greener on the other side’ type of thing. And sometimes we ‘see’ ourselves differently than the way we actually ‘are’. There used to be a show called “How to look good naked” on Lifetime that basically retrains women’s minds (usually one woman at a time) about their own self perception. One cool mental exercise they did was photograph the woman in her undergarments, create a silhouette and put it against 2 other silhouettes of completely other women. EVERY time, the girl said her own body looked the best, but they didn’t know it from the silhouette!
They also do ‘line ups’ of women a few sizes up and a few sizes down and ask her to ‘find her place’ of where her size is. Again, EVERY time, they said they belonged on the bigger side and basically shows that they add a few inches to their frame in their mind!
One last thing. Our ideal size is also relative to our frame size. It would be nearly impossible for me to be a size 2 without being a skeleton. Not that I’m looking to be a size 2, but I would have to lose all my muscle and fat because I have wide hips (and broad shoulders). Of course I am looking to be more toned, but I’d rather have my ‘mass’ because I feel I look proportional overall. And Abby, I feel you look proportional too as you are!
Thank you so much for sending the links I loved them!
Is that show still on?
I agree it does have a lot to do with frame. One of my best friends had a super teeny frame where as mine is much bigger. I had wider shoulders, a big rib cage, and hips. Overall I think I am pretty proportionate, but would like to tone up a bit.
I’m glad you liked the links! I don’t think the show is on anymore, but I think you can watch some of the full length episodes on Lifetime.com for free if you are interested! I think that every woman who has body issues should go through those exercises with a coach, since women of all shapes and sizes can be affected by negative self image. Plus I’d love a new wardrobe
Found some of the body perception exercises from the show! Clips on youtube save the day!
Body perception lineups: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIkCAuWubsw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8zqdirxV48
Silhouette: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOX9c4LM_Xw
Oh my goodness the first one… when she started crying I about started crying.
You’re right! Depending on how we feel, or what situation we are in, we view ourselves differently than what anyone else sees. We are ALWAYS our own worse critics, but we are also our own biggest enablers. There is no “ideal weight”/size. it is all about being porportionate and healthy. I have many a days envied the heck out of some super fit thick chicks and other times envied the mess out of supermodels. Neither of which category I fall in.
BTW – Secretary is right! You are hot – rock a skirt with those long legz! That is all.
Thanks for the compliment you are too sweet.
I think you’re eight we are hardest on ourselves.
You look great! And yes it’s all relative. The hard part is when your relative is compared to what you see on TV and in the magazines. Hello Photoshop!
Yes, I think the Photoshop does not help. I wish they would put more real, healthy women on magazine covers.
I feel like I could write a dang book on this! Haha.
I definitely agree with the sentiment that we are our own worst critic when it comes to body image. We’re about the same size (I’m a size 10-ish too), and I’ve lost about 10-15 lbs in the last year. All of my co-workers think that I’m like wasting away or something. It’s just those darn thunder-thighs, lol
Considering how much weight you’ve lost, you definitely have to give yourself props for what you’ve accomplished! It’s hard not to compare yourself to others who are skinnier/fitter/faster than you, I certainly do it all the time. It helps to remember that guys appreciate ladies with some curves
This probably proves Nicole’s point about girls always over estimating their own size because after seeing you at the half I would have been sure you were smaller than me. You look great and so toned. I have the thighs too, they refuse to fit in single digit pants, but they did carry my 26.2 miles.
GREAT post Abby! I think you look amazing and strong. When it comes to our perception of ourselves we are our own worst critics. My hubby always teases me when I complain about feeling fat / bloated / gross / whatever. It’s a gentle reminder for me to take a step back and reel in that negative self talk because I’m anything but. Changing your mindset and perception of yourself is sometimes harder than actually losing the weight!
I agree changing the mindset takes much longer than losing the weight.
I’ve lost 130 lbs and, yes, look in the mirror and sometimes still see myself as the bigger person. The mental part of this journey is so much more difficult than the physical!
I have a lot of loose skin so I am a big fan of Spanx and wear them almost everyday. When someone at work comments on my figure or how skinny I look, I feel obligated to tell them it’s an optical illusion, I have shapewear, I’m not really this skinny, blah blah. They always tell me to stop mentioning that part, that nobody has to know, but maybe it is a body image issue and hating the loose skin and wanting to clarify. I’ve always had a hard time taking compliments and that certainly hasn’t changed now, so I’m still struggling with that part.
I too have a hard time taking compliments. I am working on learning to say thank you and not make up some excuse, brush off.
Honestly, I think your size is great. Yeah, you’re a size 10, but you’re also pretty tall and have an athletic build. It’s different than someone like me being a size 10 (I’m 5’0″ on a good day and I am built for distance running and not much else… maybe a cheerleading “flyer” if I was younger, haha!).
I think sometimes we conform to what society thinks of us, or the perception we have growing up, instead of really exploring who we are and what we can be. The first time I ever got a medal for running (I won my age group… I was the only person in it… in a small race), I didn’t know what to think. I grew up being unathletic (I was actually much chubbier in high school, believe it or not). I wasn’t supposed to run, let alone run a 9:30 pace in a 5K and win something. The thing is… don’t try to hold onto the identity of being “the bigger girl”. I still have my nerdy, library-ish, bookish identity, but people who’ve met me recently look at me as a jock! I guess that’s why I don’t see you as the big girl but really an awesome runner and person
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Yes, it is strange when you change so much and people who have only met you after that change don’t even know about the person you used to be that somewhere inside you still may be.
This post definitely got me thinking about my body image. When I see women my size I don’t think they look half bad, yet I look at myself and go “yuck!” Not all the time. I was like you and in the past, when I was sooo unhealthy, I’d look in the mirror and think I looked amazing. I think we are easier on others when it comes to deciding if someone looks good or not!
I love that you and I both looked in the mirror and though we were fabulous when we were way unhealthier. I guess that means we had good self-confidence.
I most definitely think body image is all relative. Your post really resonated with me because I struggle with my image everyday. I just have to remind myself that the way I see myself is not how others are me. Oftentimes if I am struggling with my body, I will talk to myself as if I’m talking to a friend. What advice would I give to someone else? Thanks for the post!
I like the idea of talking to yourself like a friend. My running buddy and I are pretty much teh same height and weight and when I see her I see and athlete and try to compliment her on that. Maybe I need to compliment myself more too.
I totally get how you feel about yourself because I feel the same way about myself… I still see the bigger girl in the mirror & struggle to realize/see how I really look. It’s always eye-opening when I see myself in a photo, then for some reason I seem to see myself a bit more accurately to my size. It’s a really tough thing though & I think many of us that used to be heavier at some point still see that big girl in the mirror.
I agree with you on photos. I mean sometimes they are still horrid, but lately I have seen some and gone, “Wow, I look tiny, is that me?”