Breaking Point

Trying to be strong.  I am usually very positive, but I finally broke, big ol’ alligator tears.  I feel like running and I have broken up and I love running so it hurts like hell (I guess breakups always do when you’re the one getting broken up with).  I know I’ll be back, but today was especially tough. I missed the Isle of Palms Connector Run 10K I was supposed to do today, already deferred MCM this month, and have the Kiawah Island half in exactly 2 months.  There is no way I will be ready for Kiawah I can barely walk let alone build back up to running 13.1 miles (and of course it has no deferment option).

The final breaking point though – My  leg is getting worse not better. Today for the first time my left leg couldn’t support my weight in barre class, it started quivering more than the normal, then quaking like crazy, and luckily the instructor grabbed me right before it gave out and I collapsed to the floor.  I stayed brave through the rest of class and just didn’t do lots of the moves, but I lost it as soon as I got in the car.  I hate that it hurts more, that I really haven’t used my legs in over a month, that this is making my body so much weaker.  ugggg…..

I didn’t want to share this at first because I felt like such a wuss crying over my leg when there are so many more important things in life, but my blog is about brutally, honestly sharing my journey to be healthy and fit. The truth is this sucks, but it is all part of my journey.  I will have beautiful moments and I will have moments like this, but I must keep remaining myself I will come back, I will run again. I am better than this!

Insert tons of motivational mantras here:
Not now doesn’t mean not ever.
Just because I cannot run doesn’t mean I am not a runner
Don’t call it a comeback- Comebetter!

breaking point

P.S.- Thanks to the tons of people who left amazing, inspiring comments on Instagram when I went crazy and put this out there.  This fitness community really helps me more than you all could ever know.

Who do you turn to when you need to vent, cry, ask for help?

Comments

  1. says

    It’s so hard to stay positive when you’re injured and don’t see the injury getting better. I am very sorry. Very very sorry. I do love your mantras. You WILL get better. This is only a temporary setback. Hugs to you.

  2. says

    Girl, I’ve been there! I started running in January 2010. By mid-April, I was in so much pain while running, I finally went and got an x-ray and MRI. Diagnosis: stress fractures. Everytime I ran for weeks prior, it felt like someone had ripped the flesh off my calves and then lit my legs on fire. I was a month and a half away from my first 1/2 marathon (and firs trace over a 5k) with Team in Training. And to make matters worse, my last run, my breakdown crying on the side of the road in the middle of your run in front of your coach and all your teammates, was on the 2nd anniversary of my grandfathers death. I was distraught. I had worked so hard and didn’t want to be a quitter. I couldn’t run or do any weight-bearing exercises for 5 months. It nearly killed me. But you get stronger mentally during that time. I had more than a few breakdowns in those 5 months, and many tears were shed. You’re not alone in this! We’re all here to support you until you are fabulous and strong again!

    • says

      I am so sorry to hear that what a terrible experience.
      I do love that you got stronger mentally because I am really hoping for that, I hope this makes me a smarter, stronger runner.

  3. says

    So sorry girly =(. I wonder if you should stop doing barre or take it even easier? I mean, I know it’s hard not to do something, but maybe that’s what happened, you were still being too active trying to make up for not running and it made the injury worse?

    Anyway, I really hate to hear this, we should get together for froyo (and yeah, I hate to suggest food since I know you wanted to lose weight as well) or a girls night or something. We’re having a girls night over here soon if you wanna come and get your mind off things?

  4. says

    I feel your pain. I am suffering from a stress fracture. I, too, had ot defer my MCM entry. I went for my 6 week recheck and my doc recommended that I not run until Thanksgiving. It sucks and I am so sorry you have to deal with it. Big hugs.

    • says

      I am so sorry you had to defer MCM too. I guess the great part is that we both have entry next year for sure (that is me trying to look on the bright side).

  5. says

    I understand what you are going through, I had to stop all extra activities for about a month. Literally only did PT 2x/week and walked my dog a little bit each day. No yoga class, no running, nothing. Because everything aggravated it. And now that my hamstring strain is better, the irony of my left leg starting to act up has me completely frustrated. Thought I would be running again by now, but no. Haven’t gone on a full continuous run since late June. I would take it easy because the last thing you want is another injury to crop up (like me) as soon as you heal. Feel better!!!!

    • says

      Thanks Nicole. I am so sorry you are re-injured. I am going to try and take it easy in hopes that I can get better as fast as possible.

    • says

      That is why I finally decided to post the scary, tear stained picture and tell about it, because I know I am not the only one and we will all get through this together.

  6. says

    I’m so sorry I didn’t see this on instagram! You definitely aren’t alone in feeling like this. I think you’ve seen a few of my tearies.

    Here’s the deal though – you get to wallow a bit. And it already looks like you’re getting your head back in the game. lot of treatment makes things worse before better, but if it’s stressing you out, it’s totally worth getting a second opinion (in fact you should anyway) – you might find that your PT is just fine and continue on happily. The cost of that opinion might be worth the mental help though!

    It’s stripping you down and wearing you out, and in return you’ll be back stronger and fitter and smarter.

    In the meantime, I love you soooooo much. Thinking of you today!

  7. says

    I thought things were getting better. Then the MRI results came today. All I heard was blah blah blah stress fracture of the right hip. I got the alligator tears too. Only shared with my best running bud and now you. Two I knew would understand. Having a nice pity party with a side order of Vicodine right now. Sorry you’re injured too but nice to know we can fight this battle together. (Oh that sounds so corny – I’m medicated!) Hugs!

    • says

      Sometimes you need the pity party. I think it is okay to wallow in it for a bit, you know get it all out.
      I am so sorry it is a stress fracture. Thinking off you.
      We will get through this together. (And I am not medicated so I have no excuse for corniness.)

  8. says

    let it all out! cry. it’s good. then find a way to use your running in a different form for now while you rest. Be a supporter. You are amazing at that. YOu will heal, we all believe you willl. With time friend.

    • says

      I love that. I am going to try to focus on supporting others and use this bit of extra time (with no long runs) to relax a bit on the weekends as I am so busy with work & class during the week. I even got to cook today which I have not had time for in a long time.

  9. says

    I completely get this. Being injured takes patience. A lot of patience. I spent all summer with this, and still will have some more healing to go. In the meantime, I am learning about other things besides running, but it’s REALLY hard. I get it …

    Hang in there. That’s the only thing I got…

  10. says

    Abby, I love how honest your blog is and I just want to give you a big ol’ hug around your neck right now. I wish I could insert some peppy ‘it will be ok’ talk right now but in truth, your situation sucks. It just flat out sucks and no ‘there’s a reason for everything’ speech is going to make it un-suck. (Is that even a word?) You are such an amazingly strong woman and I’m so glad that we’re blogging friends! You are an inspiration – please don’t ever forget that. Keep up the great work with your PT and maybe consider taking a week (or a few) off from all things fitness except your PT. After-all, you have a marathon to run in NOLA this February! :) {{Hugs}}

  11. says

    Hey, don’t worry about getting upset. It just shows that you are passionate about what you do. Stay strong, and while you can’t do what you want to do right now, take the time to focus on something else you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t have the time. You’ll be back before you know it!

    • says

      I am trying to focus on night class and be glad that with as busy as I am I don’t have more on my plate, but cannot wait to be back!

  12. says

    It is hard and it is part of your journey. It’s tough but sharing your downs also can be inspiring to others. It’s good to know that there are ups AND downs and not just all roses. Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I know how you feel. I was in a car accident in 2007 and broke my right foot and sprained my left ankle (a 2nd time and way worse, it was black and blue for weeks!). Both were splinted (left) and booted (right) for no less than 5 weeks. I could only hobble around on crutches and due to that, my sprained ankle bared most of my weight and took longer to heal. Afterwards, one leg had atrophy and I had to rebuild that muscle. But then I couldn’t run for a while and when I did try to go back, I had all sorts of aches. I wasn’t sure if it would be properly healed to bear the running again.

    Here I am, 5 years later, running again. Every Saturday I run 5 miles, which is more that what I ran at a time before my accident. No to mention that I’m running anywhere from 2miles – a 5k each time at least 2-3 other days during the week. Plus I PR’d a 5k, which I’d never thought I’d beat my 2005 PR time!

    I know that you will persevere! i know it doesn’t seem like it now, but you will. Keep positive! :)

  13. says

    So sorry, hope you’re feeling a little better. Give your body the break it needs and you will, as you said, come back better, stronger, and with a new appreciation for running. I know how hard this is – I just pulled out of JFK 50 because I have a calf injury – but when life smacks you around a bit you just have to duck as much as possible and fight back when you’re able. Get some much-needed rest and you’ll be back in no time.

    • says

      I love that: “when life smacks you around a bit you just have to duck as much as possible and fight back when you’re able.” I might add it to my list of new positive I refuse to be grumpy about my injury any longer mantras.

  14. says

    It is very hard to stay positive during injuries – so try not to beat yourself up over that, if you can! The tears are good. The emotions are good. They’re all part of healing and ultimately getting stronger. The emotion you have is a positive thing – it shows you how much what you’re doing means to you. And that’s something never to give up on. Don’t give up on yourself or your body, either. You can do it :)

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